15 Small Things That Make A Big Impact Toward A Child’s Independence
I’m not sure how it is like in your home but in many homes one of the biggest fights between parents and children is the battle for independence. As much as it is hard for a parent to fully accept their child growing up and leaving the nest, it is our role as parents to help support our children in their quest toward self-sufficiency and adulthood.
The goal is to have kids be independent with the things they HAVE TO be independent with such as cleaning up their own toys. What I notice often (and I am guilty of it) is that we expect our kids to be independent in the things WE want them to be independent in and tell them no to the things THEY want do do on their own. How often do we tell our kids they aren’t allowed to pick their own clothes or brush their own hair because they are too little but we expect them to clean up a room of toys by themselves!? It is a confusing message to the kids. The reality is that when we support them in their growth even when we think they aren’t ready, they are more willing to grow in the areas we want them to grow in. If you allow them to feel independent enough to brush their own hair, put away their own clothes when they ask to help, or many of the other areas they may ask to help us in, then they will develop the confidence to clean up after their own toys or do those other activities that they feel that they can’t do.
There are some simple things that you as a parent can do now that can be a big impact for a child to feel independent and with some feelings of control. These are 10 small things that you can allow your child be independent with yet will bring so many positive feelings for your child and can even help eliminate some of the behaviors related to control. These are things that are helpful for them to start doing around the age of 4 depending on their developmental level.
Some of these options may involve a mess. That is ok! Letting them make a mess is part of the growth in themselves and in yourself in challenging that control part of you. They may have to get things wrong once (or maybe more often) in order for them to learn how to do it right. Part of them making a mess is also having them be a part of cleaning up the mess. Remember to stay calm and allow it to be just a part of the process. Praise them for the things they did right, praise them for their efforts, and praise them for even having the bravery to try something new and on their own.
Let them wash their own body (although you can help them with the parts that are hard for them to get)
Get themselves dressed
Pick out their own clothes
Pour their own bowl of snacks
Put their own dish(es) in the dishwasher
Put away dishes from the dishwasher
Brushing their own hair (although you may have to go over it just to “double check”)
Asking them what they want to help clean. They often like to try to vacuum or use the spray to clean windows or doors.
Allow them to help you fold and put their own clothes away in the drawers
Brush their own teeth (again, you will need to go over it once more)
Plate their own food
Order their own meal at a restaurant
Let them scan some of the food or even their own food at the grocery store
Feed the pets
Cooking or baking (they can pour things that aren’t hot, stir, or even grab the items from cabinets that are needed for the recipe)
Remember that if a child wants to help or even try to help, honor that. Unless the thing they want to help with is unsafe, let them grow in their independence, try to learn new things, and let them learn how to make mistakes and “fail” at something.
