Executive Functioning Deep Dive Part 8: Working Memory

Jena Bus

Do you know someone who struggles with anxiety, ADHD, or other executive functioning issues? If so, you may have noticed that they often forget things, even right after being told. A common reason for this isn’t that they’re ignoring you—it might be due to poor working memory.

Working memory plays a big role in how we listen, follow directions, and remember important tasks. When it’s not working well, kids (and adults) can seem distracted, forgetful, or overwhelmed.

Let’s break down what working memory is, how it connects to ADHD and anxiety, and what you can do to help strengthen it.

What Is Working Memory?

Working memory is like your brain’s mental sticky note. It helps you hold and use information for a short time—just long enough to finish a task or solve a problem.

We actually have three types of memory:

  • Long-term memory: Memories from your past, like your favorite childhood vacation.
  • Short-term memory: Information you recently came across, like a new phone number.
  • Working memory: What you’re holding in your head right now to get something done.

For example, if you’re following a recipe or remembering steps to get ready in the morning, that’s your working memory at work.

How Working Memory Affects Everyday Life

Working memory is one of our executive functioning skills—the mental tools we use to plan, organize, and complete tasks. When working memory isn’t strong, everything feels harder.

Here are some signs a child might be struggling with working memory:

  • Forgetting multi-step instructions
  • Losing focus during conversations
  • Struggling with homework, especially math or reading
  • Seeming like they’re not listening
  • Having trouble remembering what they were doing a minute ago

This is especially common for kids with ADHD or anxiety. In ADHD, the brain moves quickly and often skips steps. With anxiety, the brain is so busy worrying that there’s no room left to hold onto new information.

It’s Not Just “Not Listening”

Many parents say, “My child doesn’t listen to me,” but often that’s not the full story.

Here’s what might really be going on:

  • The child hears you but can’t hold onto the information long enough to act on it.
  • They get distracted between steps.
  • They feel overwhelmed by too much information at once.

This doesn’t mean they’re being difficult. It means their brain needs support.

Easy Ways to Support Working Memory at Home

The good news? Working memory can improve! Small changes in how we communicate and interact with kids can make a big difference.

1. Give One Direction at a Time

Instead of saying, “Go clean your room, brush your teeth, and get your backpack,” try breaking it up.

➡️ “First, clean your room. Let me know when you’re done.”

Then move on to the next step.

2. Get Their Attention First

Make sure your child is looking at you before you speak. A gentle, “Can you look at me for a second?” helps them focus.

➡️ Eye contact helps the brain lock in what’s being said.

3. Use Visual Reminders

Kids with poor working memory benefit from checklists, charts, and visual schedules.

➡️ A picture-based morning routine can reduce stress and improve independence.

4. Play Memory-Boosting Games

Games are a fun way to build brain skills! Try:

  • Memory matching games
  • “Simon Says”
  • Uno or Go Fish
  • Card sequence games
  • “I’m going on a picnic…” (and adding to the list)

These build attention, sequencing, and recall—all key for working memory.

5. Repeat and Rephrase

Have your child repeat the instruction back to you. This helps them process and remember.

➡️ Parent: “Please hang up your coat and wash your hands.”
➡️ Child: “Hang up coat, wash hands.”

That small act helps their brain hold onto it longer.

6. Limit Screen Time

Too much screen time can overload the brain and make it harder to focus and remember.

➡️ Try balancing tech use with offline activities that boost focus—like puzzles, crafts, or outdoor play.

7. Build in Movement and Breaks

Brains need breaks! Short bursts of movement between tasks help kids reset and refocus.

➡️ Try jumping jacks, stretching, or a short walk between tasks or lessons.

8. Support Their Emotional Needs

If a child is anxious or overwhelmed, working memory drops even more.

➡️ Help them calm their body first. Use breathing, quiet time, or a calming corner before trying to teach or give directions.

Shift Your Expectations (and Language)

Improving working memory starts with understanding that your child isn’t being lazy or forgetful on purpose. Their brain might just need a little extra help holding onto information.

Try saying:

  • ✅ “Let’s take it one step at a time.”
  • ✅ “I’ll help you remember—what’s the first thing we need to do?”
  • ✅ “I see you’re trying hard. Let’s try again together.”

Avoid saying:

  • ❌ “Weren’t you listening?”
  • ❌ “How many times do I have to tell you?”
  • ❌ “You just don’t pay attention.”

Support builds confidence. Criticism creates shame—and shame shuts down the brain even more.

What to Expect Over Time

With consistency, children can learn to build stronger working memory skills. Here’s what progress might look like:

  • They remember simple directions more often.
  • They start asking for help when they’re confused.
  • They use tools like checklists or routines independently.
  • They stay calmer and more focused in daily tasks.

It won’t happen overnight, and there may still be tough moments. But every small win matters.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

If your child always seems to forget what you just told them, it might be more than just forgetfulness. Working memory challenges are real, especially in kids with ADHD or anxiety. The good news? You can help.

By adjusting your expectations, changing the way you give instructions, using visual aids, and playing simple brain-building games, you can make a huge difference in your child’s ability to stay focused and follow through.

Remember—support, not shame, is what strengthens memory.